Bidet Boys

Formed in late 1970s in South Manchester, the Bidet Boys were an irreverant lot. Our musicianship was appalling, our ideas and songs imbecile but we had a good pedigree - Frank Zappa and John The Postman's Puerile were big influences. Our main claim to fame was we supported Joy Division at Check Inn, Altrincham in November 1979. We started playing at 20:55 so that when the doors opened at 21:00 and people streamed in we were in full swing. I was dressed in a doctor's coat with "Life is Chain Smoking" (A Subway Sect song title) scribbled in crayon on the back and was tunelessly strumming and chanting "heavy metal sh*t maan, heavy metal sh*t maan" - a quote from a John the Postman record (The VU cover Sister Ray, I think) that featured Mark E Smith on vacuum cleaner. This was in reference to Joy Division who would follow later, who, in my view at the time, were a second rate heavy metal outfit - with nazi image. We went down a storm with the 20 mates who we had invited for about 25 mins then ran out of material - I think we climaxed with Ivor Cutler's "Who wants a suck of my thumb". So, not very profound then.... or were we? A review in one of the next week's music papers said "unfortunately we had to be subjected to local band the Bidet Boys - a drummerless trio with a drummer". Pretty apt. We never played live again - most of our best stuff had been done in rehearsal cellars - Peter Gunn with 5 guitarists playing the same riff over and over again - in a very ironical style, Zappa's Call any Vegetable etc. We also gained some notoriety by heckling (and recording) all the bands that played at Bowdon Vale Youth Club around that period. Point to note though - we didn't heckle The Fall - despite our youthful exuberance and arrogance - too much respect! Kid Commode (The Bidet Boys) Submitted 08.02.09